A Million Wishes Read online

  Step one. Read the letter Momma wrote her.

  Step two. Finish the eulogy and get through the funeral.

  Step three. Take her finals and graduate.

  Step four. Move back to Sugar Creek and love her Noah as much as she possibly could.

  Once she and Callum got back to his house she did just that. Sitting in the den by herself, Miki slid her finger under the sealed flap of the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper that was typed but had her mother’s signature at the bottom.

  Dear Mikayla,

  My sweet baby girl, I first want to tell you how proud I am of you. I have kept every article you have ever written in a big binder by my bed. Every time I missed you and wanted to feel close I would flip through it and wish over and over that I could turn back time and change so many things. I’m so sorry Miki for all the things I said and did, all the times I hurt you and over looked you being abused. I have no excuse other than my own bitter soul and alcohol addiction that ruined my life and nearly yours. I was so blind to things back then Miki, so stubborn and had so much pain in my heart I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have. I should have protected you instead of myself and I will forever regret and hate myself for what happened to you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I am asking for it. I’m asking you to please find a way to let go of your awful childhood and continue on with your life and be happy. You deserve the world handed to you on a silver platter darling girl. You are so damn smart and so beautiful with such a loving heart. I’m so sorry I never returned phone calls or letters. I was so ashamed of myself when Lucas admitted to me on his deathbed that he did do all those awful things to you. Please don’t let him ruin your life though Mikayla. Open yourself up to love like your father gave me. It’s a beautiful thing and I want that for you so bad, more than anyone. I love you Mikayla. I am so very sorry for not believing and protecting you.

  With all the love in my heart,

  Your Mother

  For the first time in a very long time, Miki felt peace in her heart towards her mother, real peace. She folded the letter and tucked it back in the envelope and wiped her eyes. It was time to finish writing the eulogy. Tomorrow she would be busy helping her sister in law grocery shop and start preparing for Thanksgiving. Everyone was coming to Callum’s house for dinner and to watch football.

  She needed to be alone while she wrote; she needed fresh air and solitude. There was only one place that would offer what she needed. Miki grabbed her jacket, truck keys and journal. Leaving a note on the kitchen counter for her brother she left there heading for her mother’s house, her house now. Once she pulled in the driveway and put the truck in park, Miki knew she couldn’t go inside. Not yet. So she made her way through the field to the old oak tree, deftly climbing up and sitting in her spot, taking a few moments just to close her eyes and breathe deep.

  Memories flooded her, washed over her senses so fluidly she could hear the sounds of her childhood, smell the scents and feel it all around her as if it was yesterday. Momma was in the kitchen, teaching her how to make peanut butter kiss cookies. Her first job was unwrapping dozens of Hershey Kisses, sneaking one here and there while Momma got all the ingredients out. When Momma was in the mood to bake she didn’t just make one batch. One batch would be gone in seconds with all us kids and Daddy around. No, it was an all-day affair and so much fun. We made a huge mess in the kitchen as we were mixing, scooping, baking and placing the chocolate kisses precisely in the middle of each cookie as soon as they came out of the oven. That’s one thing she always did. Cook with love. She wanted to make everything pretty and taste oh so good. Her motto was "A messy cook is a good cook. You can’t trust someone who cooks and keeps things clean the entire time." Miki grinned and tilted her head back. She could almost smell the rich peanut butter cookie now. Her other motto was, “Food is love.” If you care for someone, you feed them good, the very best.

  Thinking back more she remembered working in the garden with her. Momma loved digging her fingers in the dirt planting, weeding, and picking fresh vegetables and fruit. We used to sit on the front porch shucking corn or shelling beans for hours in the summer time. Sweating in the kitchen canning them, making pickles and salsa. Still to this day she remembered the process they’d go through each summer, from boiling jars to cleaning the fruit and veggies. Slicing and dicing, packing the jars, adding seasonings or sugar, whatever the particular one called for. It was hot, hard work but so rewarding, peaceful in its ebb and flow.

  Miki remembered how Momma would spoil Daddy, and then Lucas after that. Momma always fixed their dinner plate for them, giving them the biggest, choicest piece of meat, or the most perfect slice of pie. Little things like that. Daddy would always give her his big playful grin and swat her bottom, or pull her onto his lap and kiss her. Back then Momma used to giggle a lot when Daddy was home. She would make a point to get all dolled up for him before he got off work a lot of times. He loved her like crazy, and she was over the moon for him. That was the kind of love she wished for.

  As she sat there in that big oak tree looking out over the land, reminiscing of days gone by she was remembering more and more of the days before her father died. There were many afternoons sitting on the sofa with her mother learning how to cross stitch and embroider while Daddy and her brothers watched football on Sundays. Standing on a kitchen chair helping wash dishes, wearing her Mother’s apron feeling like a big girl. How on Saturday nights Momma would roll their hair up in rollers so it would be pretty and curly for church Sunday morning. It hadn’t always been bad. She had been sick a lot, and when she was, Momma would make her soup or jello, then put icy cold cloths on her forehead, letting her lay her head on her lap while she played with her hair.

  When Daddy died, a part of Momma had died with him. She understood more now as she pulled memories up from before and after the accident. She had lost the love of her life and it had been because of me. Then the alcohol abuse just inflamed that made it worse, that’s when the hitting started. When Lucas started coming around and spoiling her Mother, listening to how she spoke about me like I was the worst excuse for a human, he saw an opportunity. He was a predator. Momma had been blind to it, or at least acted like it. She had been so torn up, so sick with missing Daddy, so sick with alcoholism, she didn’t see, didn’t care and maybe, just wanted me gone because I reminded her too much of Daddy.

  She pushed it back. Focused on the task, and wrote.

  Momma was many things to many people. Each of you has your own memories but today I’m sharing mine. Memories of a little girl that wanted to be just like her beautiful mother. She had such a grace about her, such a joy about her when Daddy was alive. I remember dreaming that one day I would be so lucky as to have a love like that. I celebrate her laughter and the way she loved him, the way she loved all of us kids in our own different ways. I remember the softness of her touch when she took care of me when I was sick. I remember when she would sit me on the kitchen counter and teach me how to cook. Or lazy Sunday afternoons learning how to sew with her or working in the garden. She was always trying to teach us something. Help us to better ourselves. I am happy to say she was successful in teaching all us to go for our dreams. Each of us are a testament of the love our parents gave us. We made have went through difficult times but the values they instilled in us will last us a lifetime. I imagine right now she is smiling bright, surrounded by butterflies, sitting on Daddy’s lap and asking him about his day. I can see the big smile on his face and the way he would stroke her cheek and tell her how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. That’s what I focus on today. Knowing that she loved the most important man in my life, my Father, until the day that she died, holding his picture in her arms.

  Miki closed her eyes a moment, letting the tears fall, letting them help cleanse her soul.

  Chapter 9

  Miki woke up early the Sunday after Thanksgiving and packed her bag before heading into the kitchen. Callum was there pouring coffee “Hey baby
girl you’re up early.”

  “I need to get on the road soon. I have to catch up on homework when I get home tonight and be ready for classes in the morning.”

  He nodded and poured her a mug of coffee, lacing it with cream and sugar before handing it to her.

  “Look on the bright side, only a few more weeks and you’ll be out of school for good.”

  She grinned and nodded, taking a slow sip of the hot brew. “Thank God. I am so over going to class and being overloaded with homework. I just want to write.”

  “My baby sister, who soon shall be an award winning author, don’t forget little old me when you get all rich and famous baby girl.”

  They laughed and finished their first cup of coffee right when the rest of the house started waking up. She took a little time to hug and kiss the kids and her sister in law. It was time to hit the road and get back to college life and get it done. One more round of hugs and kisses later, she was on the road and driving by Noah’s family home. Her heart hurt and arms ached to hold him. They hadn’t heard anything else from him, but Matthias said that was protocol. In her mind, protocol sucked. Noah should be home with his family, with her, instead of being stuck in transition between Germany and home.

  So she would wait. Wait for the call that he was going to be there on whatever date and she would be there, greeting him when he got off the plane. They had many ups and downs in their young life but she certainly wasn’t going to let him deal with this on his own. They had been the best of friends for forever it seemed. She had loved him ever since the day they met. He knew it even though many times he denied her love could be real. There were so many things he didn’t know about her though, things that only her doctor and family knew. One day she feared she would have to tell him difficult things. She wasn’t looking forward to it either. Shaking her head she pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the road and cranked up the music.

  Norfolk Virginia

  By the time they checked into their hotel room it was just after 11pm and both were dead tired. Stripping down to sweatpants, Noah sat on his bed and carefully unwrapped his leg. It was throbbing, aching miserably all the way down to his foot, the foot that wasn’t even there. Shaking his head in frustration, he started exercising. The process of stretching taut muscles that were sore from the long flight was painful but it didn’t stop him. On their layover in New York, Noah and Caleb had went for a walk around the corridor just for the exercise, but other than that there wasn’t a whole lot of moving around you could do on a plane. He was thankful Caleb let him have the window seat when he needed to re-wrap his stump so he could avoid some of the stares and looks of pity he’d been getting. When Caleb had needed to do the same and re-wrap his arm they had switched seats again. Not many words were spoken on that long flight but while they had been through therapy, both physical and mental, he and Caleb had grown even closer than they previously had been. Surviving something tragic together had a way of putting a friendship on a different level.

  Clearing his mind, he went through the circuits that his physical therapist had shown him. Lying on his back on the bed, he pulled his right leg towards his chest, wrapping his arms around it while his amputated leg hung off the bed for 15-20 seconds at a time. The purpose of it was to strengthen his hip flexors, the muscles near the waist, stretching them to keep them strong during recovery. His mind drifted as he worked, thinking to the day they would have tomorrow seeing Rich and McGee’s families, seeing the children that no longer had Father’s, wives that no longer had husbands, parents that were now missing sons. Every time he thought of it anger boiled inside of him. It should have been him that died, not his men that had families. He worked his muscles harder…longer…trying to work off the fury he felt inside, the shame he had for living when he had no one to depend on him like Rich and McGee did.

  “Lieutenant.”

  He was oblivious to Caleb addressing him, so absorbed in his own anger, sadness and pain to remember he wasn’t alone in the room. In a louder voice Caleb tried again. “Lieutenant!”

  His head snapped around to look at Caleb, his face a mask of fatigue and pain. “Stop calling me that. I’m not a Lieutenant anymore.”

  “Sir, I disagree with you. The rest of your life you’ll still be Lieutenant to me whether we’re active duty or not. Just like to these families we’re going to see tomorrow, you are still Rich and McGee’s Lieutenant. So whatever demons you’re fighting inside you, you need to push it back and let it go brother. You can’t go in to see these families with a chip on your shoulder or a ‘poor me’ attitude. I don’t mean any disrespect Sir, but you gotta get it together. It’s our duty to be strong for these people and thank them for the brave sons, fathers, husbands and brothers they lost fighting for our country. I know you’re feeling messed up inside, I am too, but this is beyond us and we have to handle it respectfully. Noah we have to stop beating ourselves up for living through it. My Momma always said God won’t give you anything you can’t handle and everything happens for a reason. We just need to find out the reason we’re still here, and make our brothers we lost proud that we went on living in their memory.”

  Noah sat heavily on the bed and rubbed his hands over his face, so weary… “You’re right man. I know you’re right. I just wish God would’ve asked what I wanted and I would’ve told him to take me instead so those kids could still have their Dad’s. It’s just not fair man, it’s just not right.”

  Caleb sat next to him and patted his back. “I know, but we can’t change what happened. We just gotta roll with it and do the best we can to make our brothers proud. Together.”

  Noah nodded and stood up, heading towards the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower and hit the sack. I was thinking in the morning we could go to that store by the base and pick the kids up Navy teddy bears. I don’t want to go empty handed.”

  “Good idea. Hey, don’t use all the hot water.” Caleb grinned at him and went to flip the television on.

  Neither of them slept well that night, tossing and turning until 5am, when Noah gave up and sat up in bed. Once he changed his ace bandages and put a clean sock on his stump, he ventured out of the hotel room and went into the gym heading straight for the treadmill. Propping his crutches against the wall behind him he started out at a slow pace, holding onto the handles as he walked. Usually when he worked out he had music playing, but this morning he needed silence. It calmed him and helped clear his head. Honestly he was nervous about today. It worried him how the families would act and feel towards him and Caleb. They had met before, and even had dinner together and went out for drinks, but this was different. His heart was hurting from losing two of his soldiers, hurting so bad sometimes he couldn’t even think straight, so no telling how they felt or how they would feel towards him. He couldn’t even imagine.

  Noah was just working up a good sweat when Caleb came in and got on the other treadmill. Nodding at each other they worked side by side in silence. When the pain in his stump interrupted his thoughts he switched machines and started lifting weights, watching Caleb when he switched and started using the lateral bar, one handed, with determination on his face. He was doing curls by pressing with his forearm since his hand was gone. Noah couldn’t have been more proud watching his friend work through it, pushing to find a way to adapt. Never giving up or letting it slow him down.

  “I’m going to go take a quick shower and shave so you can have the shower when you get done. I’d like us to be out of here by 0800 so we have time to make a couple of stops before we head to McGee’s.”

  It didn’t take him too long to shower. He was starting to get used to balancing his weight, sitting on the edge of the tub if he needed too. Things would be easier when he got his shower leg. Doc had told him he was about ready to be fitted for one. The one he was most looking forward to, was getting his running prosthetic. It was important to him to get back to the point he could be nearly as physical as he always had been. Once he was out of the shower he shaved and packed his
toiletries back in his bag and got out his uniform, heating the iron the hotel provided so he could make his uniform crisp and sharp.

  While he waited for the iron to heat he sat on his bed and polished his shoes until they shined. By the time he was done Caleb was back and getting in the shower. He started to polish his shoes for him but he didn’t want to offend him. It was a meaningful step, one of pride when a soldier took care of his uniform. If Caleb wanted help he would ask. Noah wrapped his stump again and put his prosthetic back on so he’d be more stable while ironing. He was on the last section of ironing when Caleb was trying to polish his shoes. Frustration lined his face but he never asked for help, he figured it out by clasping the shoe between his knees to polish it. Noah couldn’t have been more proud.